Meant To Be
by Delenn
Summary: NEW:5-17-03Lots can happen between knowing you are meant to be with someone and actually being with them, the person you are can change. Max POV.


**Disclaimer: Big shock, I don't own 'em! I'm just messing around, stealin' 'em, cause I can't even rent 'em! How sad is that? So if you still feel compelled to sue, well, you have to have like **no** life!   
  
Author's Notes: What can I say, I opened a new word document, created my title, wrote what came to me, and we were off. It's all angsty goodness with happy endings slipped in between. So, be a sport and read it anyway, okay? And then you can rant or rave to me in e-mail. Isn't that so much better then just stopping right now? I mean you already went to the trouble of clicking the link and everything!   
  
Story Notes: Takes place post season 3. Ooh give me credit, I did actually play off of season three, build it up, and make it worse. I'm actually kind of proud of myself.   
  
Summary: Lots can happen between knowing you are meant to be with someone and actually being with them, the person you are can change. Max POV.   
  
Rated: R   
  
Feedback: Love it? Hate it? Go on, you'll be my best friend! See, all you have to do is click the little link! goddess_delenn@yahoo.com   
  
Date Started/Date Finished: May 7th, 2003**   
  


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"Meant To Be"   
By Delenn

  
  
  
  
I always knew we were "meant to be," I knew that we'd sleep together, and I knew that we'd love each other. It never occurred to me what could go on between knowing that and it actually happening.   
  
By now, it's pointless to get into when I stopped hating him, when I started caring, and when I came to that striking realization. Besides, if I'll be honest with myself, it probably happened almost the moment we met and I was just being the good human with the boyfriend back home… someone who would never go for that kind of bad boy.   
  
Sometimes I wonder what the hell messed my head up so much; then I remember, oh yeah that would have been Manticore. Thanks for that, boys. Reminds me why I took the opportunity to blow you up. Manticore deserved fiery torment.   
  
I was right, I always am, aren't I? It's from training and super genes, I can look at the situation and come up with the most accurate outcome. There were just some… factors… I didn't count upon.   
  
Zack was the first one, I always thought he loved me _as a brother,_ now I shudder when I remember him as that innocent little boy who was like my big brother.   
  
What's there to say? A transgenic rebuilt with mechanical parts and doubled stamina, it's not like I could have stopped him. Shame they had to play around with his brain so much to bring out his most basic plans… the Zack I knew wouldn't have been enough of an idiot to go to sleep after…   
  
Amazing how the strongest people crumple when you snap their necks.   
  
Speaking of snapping someone's neck that brings me to the second factor, Ben. Oh Ben, God I loved him as my brother and he was, he always was my brother. I used to wonder if Ben would have taken it all back, the caring he showed me and the stories he told me if he realized I would be his murderer.   
  
I used to sit up at night and stare at the wall hoping that when I closed my eyes this time I wouldn't see his body. That had all stopped by the time I met him. Still, seeing him was like seeing Ben and for a long time after we were "meant to be," the dreams of killing Ben came back, of trying to save him.   
  
I no longer see myself as a murderer, either of Ben or Zack, I've realized that I did what I had to, what their eyes begged of me while their lips stayed firm. Funny thing is, I don't see myself as much of anything anymore, and certainly not that hero Logan fancied me to be.   
  
Admittedly, I never understood why I played his game, or why I actually tried to become his hero. "My dark angel," that's what Logan used to call me thinking I was his angel, never noticing the darkness eating me away.   
  
That girl I was then, I don't even remember being her; I look back on her in memories as though she were someone else, someone whose brain is alien to me. My goal was to survive back then, now I realize I'm dead and my goal is simply to function this day and make it to the next.   
  
Pieces of her were ripped away by White, Logan, the freedom fight, Zack, and all those reorientation trips to Manticore. Oh, did I forget to mention those times when the military came in with full bio suits and hauled us all back to Manticore? "Put those damn mutant freaks back where they came from."   
  
I can just see Lydecker grinning at the thought that he finally had us, knew where we were, trapped us, and brought us "home." That bastard always was too cruel to die, even the mind games where he was actually on "our side" were nothing new.   
  
Somehow I think I've gotten ahead of myself, did I forget White, Logan? The thing with White was sneaky at first, snake venom injected into my blood for that brief time he had me. Let's just say that the glowing eyes and hissing were a dead give away and not fun to live through.   
  
Neither are the marks that have stayed, tattooed little scars that won't leave, just like my barcode. Think my body has been screwed with enough yet? Guess again.   
  
Logan, I knew he would be a problem, something in his eyes always said, "I won't let you go," and he didn't. Now, I didn't expect him to be such a cold-hearted bastard, amazing how easy it is to be fooled when someone finally shows you affection.   
  
But don't worry, his conscience is shiny and clean, because handing me over to Lydecker -"he was our friend, he helped us"- doesn't make him responsible for them slashing me open and expecting my insides like I was a lab rat. And you know, as for betrayal, apparently by not loving him, I betrayed Logan first so it was perfectly all right to give me over to my worst nightmare.   
  
Nowadays they all sit around in my head and have battles over who will torture me with nightmares when. Sons of bitches won't even leave me alone inside my own brain.   
  
Never mind all that, because you know, we were meant to be, and now we're together, so apparently my scars have just disappeared.   
  
Don't get me wrong, I love him with every fiber of my being and he hasn't hurt me like everyone else, I just don't have much of a being anymore. But that's okay with him because he went back there with me, lived in Manticore longer than I did, and he's not so whole inside anymore either.   
  
Harsh voices and cold walls bring me back from my so pleasant trip down memory lane and I clutch his hand tighter against my own. "494, 452, if you will not comply with the retraining you will be put back into Psi-Ops."   
  
I catch his eyes with my own as I let his hand slip out of my grasp and I can't help but wonder if Manticore will ever learn. No program has yet stopped us from escaping eventually and they're still afraid to kill us.   
  
True, we won't survive this one any better than the last, but we'll live, we'll continue on to the next day and the one after that.   
  
Remember, because we were "meant to be," and for Alec and I, this is our happily ever after.   
  


The End


End file.
